Another Quarrel
Just had a quarrel with him. Once again, there is another crack in our relationship. We do not know what we want of each other but we are still together. Are we too coward to tell each other our true wants and needs? Are we just being together for the sake of being together? It is because we are just so used to each other thus we cant imagine not being together. It is just like you are so used to a hp that you cannot imagine losing your hp and being hpless. It is not like we are 2 different halves coming together and forming a perfect whole. Rather it is like 2 different halves coming together and trying our best to change ourselves to make it into a perfect whole.. with lots of pain and struggle while doing it.
He said that I am not understanding towards his work and that I am always nagging at him for putting his career before me. I said that I just want to spend more time with him and if mentioning it more than a few times is considered nagging then wat can I say? He said I always going out happily with my frens on those nights that he got to work. Then I said then wat do you expect me to do.. stay at home and wait for your 5 mins call. He said why cant I be supportive of his career.. isn't he trying his best to make a better and more comfortable future for us. I said I am supportive but I dont need you to be a workoholic and neglect the relationship. I dont want a rich stranger but I need a capable husband.
I am afraid this will push me towards her... and I am afraid subconsciously she is the reason that I am picking a fight with him. I am afraid he will look through my actions. I am afraid of finding out my feelings for her. I am afraid I am comparing the 2 of them. I am afraid of myself....
He said that I am not understanding towards his work and that I am always nagging at him for putting his career before me. I said that I just want to spend more time with him and if mentioning it more than a few times is considered nagging then wat can I say? He said I always going out happily with my frens on those nights that he got to work. Then I said then wat do you expect me to do.. stay at home and wait for your 5 mins call. He said why cant I be supportive of his career.. isn't he trying his best to make a better and more comfortable future for us. I said I am supportive but I dont need you to be a workoholic and neglect the relationship. I dont want a rich stranger but I need a capable husband.
I am afraid this will push me towards her... and I am afraid subconsciously she is the reason that I am picking a fight with him. I am afraid he will look through my actions. I am afraid of finding out my feelings for her. I am afraid I am comparing the 2 of them. I am afraid of myself....
14 Comments:
Just dun use her an excuse. She deserves better. She is human too. Please spare a tot for her.
Just because you are unhappy does not mean you have to go to her.
U have lots of friends. grow up.
see see!?!? u is comparing them liao lor! ther is no hiding from the truth in that... ur in denial gal...
Ai yor... better think harder abt this leh!
Actually I never thot that I would be more than just frens with her. It is unexpected.. Denial.. dunno.. mayb..
Both of them are human beings right? Both care for you right? And I hope you won't want to hurt any right?
Then make a decision that is fair to both.
Hello cleoie,
I understand some of the trouble you are going through right now. I went through that phase as well, and I am now a happily adjusted bisexual girl.
What I'd like to suggest, though obviously not coerce you into, is to visit www.sayoni.com. We are a resource dedicated to Asian queer women. I'd be happy to personally answer any queries you have, and I promise all of us will entirely non-threatening, and will not "force" you to "become a lesbian" or anything. Feel free to drop us an email at sgsayoni@gmail.com
And if you would like a more professional resource, I'd advise you to contact Oogachaga at www.oogachaga.com for experienced queer-friendly counselors.
I wish you good luck in your journey towards finding yourself.
Beng: Hmm.. I know it is unfair to "yi jiao ta liang tiao chuan". But it is not tat easy to say give up then give up. pleinelune: Thanks for the recommendations. Let me think through this on my own and see where this goes..
Hey Sweet,
If u want a man's opinion of wat's actually going on in your (sexual) life, I think u have only jus been sexually awaken, aka, multi-orgasism. The root of the prob cud be, your man isn't satisfying u enough.
Honestly, there's nothing a woman can sexually do that a man can do better. Final thots - there's a diff btw sex & love!
helo
saw ur blog from 1 of the yahoogroups.
for the direction of the sexual inclination, i'm not in a position to comment. however, i can offer my 3rd/4th party POV.
guys.. which guy dun wan provide a good life for their gers? u wan a good life in future rite? even if u dun wan, guys wanna take good care of their guys, n not let them live miserably. if not, they consider themselves as failure.
now ur bf is perhaps working hard towards tis goal.
den for u, i feel tat, u really wish to b wif him (as per norm of LTRs), but.. being the career guy, sometimes he dun see the view u have. u try toking to him lah, tell him how n wat u really feel.. u both have to compromise in a way lah..
he's bz working to provide a gd life, so he's perhaps unable to b wif u (i of cos dunno details), but he still truly likes u.
sometimes, if he is too engrossed in his world (work), he may lose the emotional view of life.. ie the link btwn u n him.. he is working hard, but forgot tat u r yearning for him. n din really manage to catch ur emotional distress (can use tis term?). tell him lah.. tok over calmly.
den for the lesbian, well, go towards where ur heart points u. but dun go for the fun / excitement of it.. but frankly, i dun encourage such "entering at a critical period" cos the victim usually more vulnerable during such cold war period...
take care!
Do you love him? Does he love you?
hmm.. quarrels are actually part n parcels of every r/s in life.
if there are no quarrels in a r/s, it will get dull and eventually more things will happen again.
however, if the quarrel with him is indirectly pushing you towards "her", then you oughta wake up girl! That is wrong...
You should make an effort to sort of patch things up and not go into another serious utter stage of denial.
anon: Ha! what has sex gotta do with anything!! and u tink too greatly about guys and too lowly about the girls.. luv_ktv: ur advice is nt bad.. just tat talking abt emotional issues is tiring.. and it is not settled over one nite and so easily.. there are follow up to do as well.. rene: he did do something to mend the quarrel but he never apologize.. which is typical of guys..
oh well... resolving problems is never easy... but once it;s over, u'll b glad u did it =D
after a quarrel, and making up, u'll realise u know each other better and grow more attached and fond...
this is emotion magic :)
if u guys dun tok it out, how to resolve conflicts? guys usually more career minded, n bit ego.. cos they supposed to take care of u, n usually dun wan to b proven wrong anyhow..
Where did you find it? Interesting read » » »
Cool blog, interesting information... Keep it UP » »
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