Main Dish & Side Dish
Went out for coffee with frens and we got to talking about relationships. The guys said that girls in relationship will develope attitude problems after a while and the girls say that guys always throw childish tantrums. Which is quite true.. and I was telling my fren as she sent me home.. why is it that our relationships with our bfs cannot be like our frenship with our guy frens? Talking, teasing, joking and laughing.. she then said can't lor.. it is difficult. U will always treat bfs differently from guy frens. Which then I said is a tragedy. All relationships should be fun, entertaining, comfortable and relaxing. Relationship with lovers always tend to turn boring, stressful and unimaginative after a while.. it sucks..
Then I suggested to my fren.. wouldn't it be good to have one main dish and one side dish? The main dish will be the one you love and the side dish will be the one you desire. She then said cant!! It will be too stressful for the one with 2 partners. I said if both parties know of each other existence then it should be ok. She said no la! The main dish sure wont allow it to happen.. then I said the main dish can have his own side dish as well. Then relationship will not be so stressful, boring and staid. Hahah.. fanciful thinking.. She said it is easy to say but it wont be easy to achieve. One cant control their feelings.. one party will definitely be jealous of the other party.. and how can one allocate the amount of affection and time spent on with the two dishes? What if the feelings for the side dish developed into love and the feelings of the main fade? Will they be willing to swop positions? As if it is like in a workplace.. to swop position if one is better at doing a certain task.
I think I think too much.. changing society's thinking is like trying to hand carry sentosa's sand to east coast park.. almost impossible and it takes a very very very long time..
Then I suggested to my fren.. wouldn't it be good to have one main dish and one side dish? The main dish will be the one you love and the side dish will be the one you desire. She then said cant!! It will be too stressful for the one with 2 partners. I said if both parties know of each other existence then it should be ok. She said no la! The main dish sure wont allow it to happen.. then I said the main dish can have his own side dish as well. Then relationship will not be so stressful, boring and staid. Hahah.. fanciful thinking.. She said it is easy to say but it wont be easy to achieve. One cant control their feelings.. one party will definitely be jealous of the other party.. and how can one allocate the amount of affection and time spent on with the two dishes? What if the feelings for the side dish developed into love and the feelings of the main fade? Will they be willing to swop positions? As if it is like in a workplace.. to swop position if one is better at doing a certain task.
I think I think too much.. changing society's thinking is like trying to hand carry sentosa's sand to east coast park.. almost impossible and it takes a very very very long time..
8 Comments:
I guess the problem with "main"/"side" dishes is that most of the time, all 3 parties end up hurt.
I don't mean to chastise you, but coming from the perspective of a bisexual girl who has dated bi-curious girls before, don't lead her on just because you're not happy with him. Chances are, when you're with her and having all that much fun, you end up wishing that he could be as understanding etc as she is, but the fact of the matter remains that they are two separate entities. Whether or not you are actually bisexual is besides the point - I think you need to take some time apart from both of them and decide which route is the route you want to take, for yourself.
Ha! That is wat I tink will be the outcome of this situation. I will end up with nothing n noone.
It isn't too late to do the right thing, you know? Whichever the right thing may be for your situation - be it break up with him to be with her, stopping seeing her and concentrating on your relationship with him, or just ending contact with both of them.
It's not fair to use one person's affections, especially when you know that they want something else from what you want. More importantly, you need to figure out what you want for yourself, because this endless swaying between the two can hardly be good for you.
You said in your latest post that it's "all these things are out of our control". That's not true. You may not be able to stop yourself from feeling a particular way, but you can definitely choose how you decide to react to those feelings.
In certain moments I feel that I am being stupid and I want to end it all.. tell both parties. But the rest of the time, I am being selfish, I wan both of them. And at the moment, the selfish feeling is stronger than the stupid feeling..
Well, you don't necessarily have to TELL both parties in order to end it. All I'm saying is that you really should decide, and not hide behind how "impossible" it seems to let one of them go.
We both know that it isn't IMPOSSIBLE. It's just difficult. But you can do it - you're stronger than that.
No courage. Basically I have no guts to do it. Let me have some time to compose myself first.
Of course take whatever time you see fit. But I'm just letting you know that while you while this time away, other people are investing more and more feelings in you.
We always think that we have no guts, that we can't do what's right. But in the end, you can. It's no one's fault that you're in this situation, the only shitty bit is that you're the only one who can get yourself out.
This is very interesting site... »
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