How to stop?

How does one stop oneself from heading towards destruction? When you know wat you are doing is wrong but then you continue doing it.. You know this behavious is harming you but your stubborness do not want to let it go. How to admit that this is a wrong decision and this is a bad move?

You tell your fren about it and she asked you to stop it but becos of what you have promised the person.. you continue doing it. You wan to prove to the person that you can do what you have promised. Even though it is destroying yourself and making you hate the person you had become. Can you blame the person you made the promise to? No.. becos it is my own willfulness that cause me to make the promise. If only I hung on to my own principles and thinking.. If only I am not weak then.. If only there is some other choice for me to choose. It is my own fault. Now I cannot tell anyone.. I do not want my fren to worry..

Being made used of.. is such a lousy feeling.. even though in the beginning you know that. Being just a substitute is making me feel shitty. It makes me feel that I am not good enough.. that no one will truly appreciate me for wat I am.. that I am just a shadow of somebody.. that I am not attractive enough to be the first choice.. only the second choice.. When will I become my first choice's first choice? Cos what's the point of being the first choice of someone that you do not love?

To smile is such an effort nowadays.. if only I can sleep and dream forever.. the world is too harsh, too hard, too selfish.. who is real anymore?