Irreparable mistake

Made a colossal and irreparable mistake today. The consequences will be dire but since I am bent on destroying myself.. tat step look as good as any. My life now is uncontrollable and I am tinking of other ways to make myself even more worthless than now. My soul is ripe for destructions and I am trying to corrupt it in watever way I can. My heart is so hard that I cant feel pain even after I made the mistake. The mistake will undoubtably affect a lot of people especially the ones that love me the most but I cant and I wont feel sorry about it. I wish that it will all end soon and I wont have to make anymore decisions for my life. I know this sounds irresponsible but when I try to take control.. everything I do is wrong.

I am feeling sorry for myself but I dont deserve to feel sorry as I create this mess out of my own bloody weakness. I am angry.. very angry.. so angry with myself that I want to hurt myself for creating this mess..

And seriously I hate you. I really really hate you. I no longer have any affection for you except hatred. You tell me you feel pain but who cares.. certainly not me..