Marriage Preparation
We are in the midst of preparing for the marriage.. he is preparing for it happily, I am preparing for it like I am happy. I ought to be happy as it is a once in a lifetime thing. I have to be happy because it is my choice, my decision. I must be happy because I do not want to spoil this for him.
The date has been set and both our parents know about it. Our closest frens knew about it too. Most gave us their blessings but my best fren scolded me. She knows about wat is going on and she is furious that I am throwing my life away. She said I am still young and there are still lots of good guys out there. And wat's more I am not even sure of my own sexuality and here I am.. tying myself to a guy.. and not even one that I have a lot of feelings for.
She said it is a convenience for me.. to be with him as we have been together for so long. But convenience is not love. How long can I be with him? Until I fall in love with someone else. Then I will have to get rid of this convenience. I told her that i will seclude myself and protect my heart from getting into tat kind of situation. I wont socialise much, I wont allow myself to be vulnerable and I wont open my heart to anyone else. That way, I can live with him and be his dutiful wife.
What's the point? The person I love is not with me. What I have is a person that love me. I can live with tat.
The date has been set and both our parents know about it. Our closest frens knew about it too. Most gave us their blessings but my best fren scolded me. She knows about wat is going on and she is furious that I am throwing my life away. She said I am still young and there are still lots of good guys out there. And wat's more I am not even sure of my own sexuality and here I am.. tying myself to a guy.. and not even one that I have a lot of feelings for.
She said it is a convenience for me.. to be with him as we have been together for so long. But convenience is not love. How long can I be with him? Until I fall in love with someone else. Then I will have to get rid of this convenience. I told her that i will seclude myself and protect my heart from getting into tat kind of situation. I wont socialise much, I wont allow myself to be vulnerable and I wont open my heart to anyone else. That way, I can live with him and be his dutiful wife.
What's the point? The person I love is not with me. What I have is a person that love me. I can live with tat.
5 Comments:
Hi, please do not make the mistake of your life. I hope you will seriously rethink what you're doing. Marriage is a serious matter.
I know. But being with a person tat loves me is not so bad.. I can live with that.
you will regret for the rest of your life when u wake up from this fantasy or escape one of this day. and by that time u will be so so so damn hateful of yourself!! Trust me! I have seen lots of people like you. i am having a hard time as well right now. but i chosse to hang on to what i belive in. follow your heart... always...
sounds insane to me, the choice you are making
you will only cause your bf to be unhappy, i know of women who get married have kids only to divorce their husbands later on in life for another woman, some of them even have blogs online so you can even read about what they go through
its all up to you, but it really sounds insane to me
love: it is hurting him tat is stopping me from cancelling the whole thing. I cant do it.
anon: it maybe insane but i really dun want to hurt him. i rather be the one suffering.
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